The moon was full over Casa Lesbo last night.
Ken returned home from work to discover that Godzilla was
still occupying her dent on the sofa. Bits of bone and cartilage
littered the area around her. It was obvious that she had
been there for quite some time. “Zilla-baby, are you
EVER going to walk again?” Ken asked as politely as
he could. Godzilla merely sprayed Ken with a breath of fire-venom.
Ken’s hair was immediately singed. Ken was not willing
to risk further fire damage, so he quickly retreated. “Hmmmm.
Looks like a good time to head on over to the gym!”
Ken quickly changed and dashed off to the gym.
At the gym Ken ran into his new friend Mr. Steve. Mr. Steve
is quite the man-babe. He and Ken had recently been spotting
each other quite frequently. Ken had come to savor his moments
in the company of other men, away from Casa Lesbo. He was
quite thrilled to discover that although he was now ovulating,
his body had not ceased its production of testosterone. Ken
and Mr. Steve took turns pumping iron and discussing the finer
points of Trans Am detailing.
During a water break Ken happened to glance over to a corner
bench. Isn’t that…he squinted…My God, I
think it is…Steve! Steve was the god of god’s
at Ken’s former gym. Unfortunately, it appeared that
when taken out of Ken’s former gym and placed into the
testosterone-laden environment of Ken’s new gym, Steve
actually appeared quite scrawny. Steve was new to the buff
gym. His head was jerking from side to side, up and down,
front to back…indeed in true chicken fashion. Steve
was obviously performing a very thorough inspection of every
specimen in the gym. He spotted Ken and darted over like a
chick to a worm. “Hey Ken! How’s it goin’?”
said Steve in .7 milliseconds. “Fine Steve. This is
my other friend, Steve. Damn. You’re both named Steve.
I’ve got to think of a way to differentiate you guys.”
Ken’s mind immediately turned to “Chicken and
Tank”. “How about just Big Steve and Little Steve?”
said Hunky Steve. “Great!” said Ken. The choice
was obviously much kinder than Tank and Chicken. Ken was glad
he hadn’t spoken up sooner. The newly formed trio completed
their workout and slapped each other on the shoulder in true
buff fashion.
When Ken returned home, Godzilla was still nesting on the
sofa. Only this time, Skipper had joined her! The virus truly
was contagious. Skipper had been sticken, and together she
and Godzilla had consumed an entire nation of Raisinettes
while watching “I Dream of Genie” reruns. Poor
Tank was starving nearby, still suffering from Kitty-Lite
Diet Syndrome. Barbie, being the only sensible fish in the
school, had retreated to another wing of Casa Lesbo and sealed
the airlock. Ken decided to follow Barbie’s lead, so
as to avoid any unnecessary contact with the vectors now permanently
nested in the living room. He retreated to his cell.
Later that night, Ken received a call from his dear friend,
Mr. Jim-Bob Hamhock, in Hogeye, Arkansas. “Ken-baby,
how’s it goin’?! You’ve got me worried!
What’s this you livin’ in a house full of lebesians?
Have you lost it, boy?!” “Nah. I just needed a
change. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Ya gotta
admit, Jim-Bob, it’s definitely entertaining!”
“Whatever. How big is that spread? Don’t ya feel
like you ain’t got no privacy?” “Well, sometimes.
But it’s a five bedroom house, so we’ve got lotsa
space to spread out.” “Damn, boy! I didn’t
know they made trailers that big! It must be a triple-wide
or somethin’!” “It’s a real house
Jim-Bob, it’s not a trailer!” “Don’t
you lie to me, boy! I may be from Hogeye but I ain’t
that stupid! I know lebesians all live in trailers and drive
pick-ups!” “Well, I guess ya got me there, Jim-Bob!”
Ken and Mr. Hogeye talked for well over an hour. By the time
they had finished Ken’s hormones were raging. He was
having continual flashbacks to his days in the haystack with
Mr. Hogeye. No one could handle a pitchfork like Mr. Hogeye.
It was impossible to sleep, so Ken decided to watch a little
late night television. There was a Godzilla marathon on channel
74. He decided to watch it and learn a little more about his
roommate’s scaleage. He nodded off about 13 seconds
into the first movie…
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