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Finding God in the islands had really changed Ken's outlook
on life. He welcomed each day with open arms and a smile on
his face. Godzilla was most perturbed by his constant whistling,
and had announced that she was planning an early hibernation.
The holidays were definitely going to arrive early this year!
Nothing seemed to upset Ken these days, not even the ringing
of the baby blue princess phone on the nightstand next to
his bed at 7am.
"Ken! Ken! Is that you?" "Yes, indeed Aunt
Mimi!" Ken recognized the vodka-laden breather on the
other end of the phone. "How are you? It's been ages
since we last spoke!" "I know, I know. But honey,
ever since I got my pilot's license you know I just never
can stay put! In fact, that's why I'm calling you." "OK
Aunt Mimi, lay it on me! What's up?" "Well you know,
I was wondering if you would like to accompany Kitty and me
down to Tampa. We've got plenty of room in the Cessna and
we'd really love it if you would fly down with us. We'd have
a blast!" "Tampa?" "Yeah honey. Top secret
mission...you can't tell anyone!" "Aunt Mimi are
you going down for more plastic surgery?" "Not me
honey, Kitty! And you can't tell anyone...it's not FDA approved
yet." "What?!" "Well, you know Kitty's
always been a lightweight when it comes to her liquor. There's
this fabulous new procedure that they've developed down at
Tampa General. Liver enlargement honey! They can stretch your
liver two or three times it's normal size, and increase your
alcohol tolerance up to 700 percent! It's fabulous! And just
what Kitty needs!" "I need to think about this one
Aunt Mimi!" "No time honey! We'll be by in an hour
to pick you up. I won't take no for an answer!" Click.
Aunt Mimi hung up and Ken had no choice but to pack the DreamTote
and be ready. He knew that once Aunt Mimi set her mind on
something, that was it.
Mimi Dubois and Kitty Katz. They were quite the pair. They
had met early in life and remained the best of friends through
seven marriages, 47 years, and over a million cocktails. Kitty
had always been a lightweight, and Mimi would often consume
six or seven cocktails for Kitty's one or two. It was a constant
source of embarrassment for Kitty...she definitely suffered
from cocktail envy. No wonder she was so anxious to have her
liver enlarged. Her third husband had left her the deed to
a most impressive oil refinery in the Olay region of France...her
funds were virtually immeasurable. Paying for the experimental
procedure would be no problem whatsoever.
The doorbell rang and Ken raced to open the door before Godzilla
awoke. Although she had announced that she would be entering
early hibernation, she still wasn't quite dormant. Her mood
had been particularly foul lately. Winter was setting in and
rodents were scarce. Although she had stocked up on supplies,
there was nothing worse than a frozen rodent. They just didn't
taste the same. When he opened the door Ken had his bag in
hand. "Aunt Mimi! Good to see you!" Ken could tell
by the rosy glow of her nose that Aunt Mimi had already had
her first Bloody Mary of the day. "Same here honey! I
see you're ready, so let's get goin'! The weatherman's predicted
an ice storm on the way down and I want to be there in time
for Happy Hour!" "Well then by all means, let's
hit the road!"
"There's no room in the trunk honey, you'll just have
to hold onto your bag!" "Still traveling light,
Aunt Mimi?" "Hey! That'll be enough out of you,
young man! You know I can't go anywhere without proper accessories!"
"Oh yeah!" Ken said as he slid into the back seat
of the car. Kitty was riding shotgun in the front seat. "Hey
Ken! Good to see you! I'm so glad you'll be accompanying us
down to Florida!" "Like I had a choice?" "Heh-heh!
I know what you mean! When Mimi sets her mind to something,
there's no arguing! Ya just gotta swim with it, like a riptide!"
"I thought you were supposed to swim perpendicular to
a rip tide Kitty." "Well, whatever. How about a
cocktail?" "Love one Kitty!" Replied Mimi.
"Hey! I was talking to our guest!" "Guest?!
Hell, he's family! He can fend for himself!" "Like
I was saying Ken, would you like a cocktail?" "Love
one Kitty. What are you having?" "Oh, well, you
know I'm not very good at handling my liquor (hence the purpose
of the trip to Tampa General), so I'm having a mineral water.
But how about a Bloody Mary for you?" "Great!"
""Don't be pretending you don't hear me over here!
You know I can't fly straight without my vodka!" Said
Mimi as she pounded her hand in rapid succession on the dashboard.
Kitty mixed two Bloody Marys in the glove compartment and
poured them into large plastic tumblers. "Here ya go
honey! Cheers!"
Aunt Mimi eventually wove the car to the airport. Ken was
thankful for the numbing affects of the vodka. He paged God
to thank him for the early hour and absence of traffic. Mimi
docked the land yacht and several porters immediately converged
to transfer the luggage to the awaiting Cessna. "The
plane's all gassed up and ready to go Miss Dubois." "Great
honey! We'll be ready to go just as soon as you get the luggage
onboard. Kitty! You got the maps ready?" "Roger
Mimi!" "Great! Let's head on out to the plane. C'mon
Kenny! Your Aunt Mimi's ready to fly!" Ken chuckled.
Aunt Mimi was already flying and she hadn't even left the
ground!
The bags were stowed and everyone was secured and locked
upright in their seats. Ken took the backseat again. Kitty
needed a good view to navigate by, so she rode up front with
Mimi. Mimi took the wheel and soon they were airborne. "OK,
now you go right at the WalMart and then follow the interstate
for about 57 miles." "Roger. Now is that the regular
WalMart or the Super WalMart?" "Hmmm. It doesn't
say. But this map is about six years old, and I don't think
they had Super WalMarts back then, so we should turn at the
regular WalMart." "Good thinking Kitty!" "Roger."
Ken welcomed the first round of cocktails. "It's still
before noon, so we'll stick with the Bloodies. That all right
with you, Ken?" "Roger!" "Oh look, even
Kenny's talking air-talk now!" Said Miss Kitty. "Yeah,
it's in our genes!" Chuckled Aunt Mimi. "Leave the
celery stick outta mine, will ya Kitty. The radar shows some
turbulence ahead and I don't wanna poke out an eye!"
About an hour into the flight Mimi suddenly took note of
her altitude gauge. "Kitty! Look at that! We're only
a couple hundred feet above ground! We must be icing up or
something!" "Good gracious! Here, let me check.
Mimi reached into the wetbar and pulled out an ice pick. She
then rolled down the window and began chipping away at the
wing. "Will ya look at that! There's enough ice out here
to fill a summer's worth of blenders!" Kitty continued
chipping away, and the plane gradually regained altitude.
"Kitty! Don't waste all that ice! Here, but some in the
bucket! We can use it for cocktails!" Kitty did as instructed.
She came back in and switched places with Kitty so that she
could chip away the ice on the other wing. Flying straight
was hard enough for Mimi without the added ordeal of unbalanced
wing syndrome. After several minutes they were back in their
original assigned positions.
"I think I got a little paint with the ice. We'd better
just make Martinis with it, and I'll strain 'em real good!"
Said Kitty. "Excellent idea!" Replied Mimi. "Kenny!
Are you still with us? You've been really quiet back there!"
"I'm fine Aunt Mimi. Just checking out the view!"
"Well here! Have one of Kitty's famous Sky-tinis! They're
made with real sleet!" "Great! Thanks Aunt Mimi!
You're the best!" Kitty had decided to have a cocktail
too, and they all three clinked their glasses in holiday merriment.
"Oh my gracious! Isn't that Disney World down there!
We must've strayed a bit off course! Turn to the right here
Mimi!" Said Kitty. "We're almost there! Buccaneers
beware!" She continued as she raised her glass and thunked
it on the ceiling of the Cessna. She then tumbled backwards
into her seat. After several seconds she removed her feet
from the ceiling and restored her head to its upright and
locked position. "You really do need to keep your seatbelt
on Kitty!" Cautioned Ken. "God! She really is a
lightweight! I hope the liver enlargement works!" Ken
thought to himself.
A few moments later they were on final approach. Ken could
hardly wait to breath the warm air and have his first tropical
cocktail on the ground. Mimi landed the plane with minimal
turbulence. Once docked a bevy of porters again surrounded
the plane and began unloading the steamer trunks. "Your
rental car is waiting ma'am. Do you need any directions?"
"Hell no, honey! I've got the best damn navigator in
the business with me! Kitty! Kitty! Wake up, honey! We need
to get going now!" "Whuh?" Replied Kitty. "Oh
never mind. I know how to get there. Are ya ready Kenny?"
"Sure Aunt Mimi!" "Then let's go!" They
piled into the Tempo and were off.
Seventeen wrong turns and a few wrong ways on a one-ways
later they arrived at Tampa General. Kitty was finally conscious.
"Here we are honey! All ready to get you checked in!"
"Wow! We got here so quickly! The last thing I remember
was scraping ice and..." "Yeah, yeah...whatever.
Let's just get you checked in so Kenny and I can head off
to Happy Hour!" Mimi said as she hurriedly parked the
Tempo and fetched Kitty's trunks from the car. They proceeded
directly to admissions. "Hello, I'm Mimi Dubois and I'm
here to check in my dear friend Miss Kitty Katz." "Yes,
I have her reservation right here. Your deluxe suite is all
ready. Just sign here." Said Judy at the reception desk.
"A deluxe suite! At Tampa General! How fabulous!"
Said Ken. "Don't get too excited honey, it just means
that she gets clean sheets every day!" Replied Mimi.
An intern appeared and strapped Kitty into a wheelchair. Mimi
and Ken followed the intern as he wheeled Kitty to her suite.
"Oh what a fabulous view!" Gushed Kitty as she
was wheeled into freshly disinfected room. "What is that?
A museum of some sort?" "No ma'am, it's a tuna cannery.
During the summer we get some pretty bad days when the wind
shifts over here, but this time of year you should be OK."
"How charming!" Said Mimi. "Well, look Kitty.
You seem to be in very good hands here. Ken and I are going
to head off to Happy hour and we'll leave you to get some
rest before your procedure tomorrow. We'll see you in the
morning!" "OK honey! Have a good time!"
Ken and Mimi walked quickly to the Tempo. "Ken honey,
I can hardly wait to get out there and shake my maracas!"
"Me too, Aunt Mimi, me too!" Mimi floored it as
they sped out of the parking lot.
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