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Ken awoke with a start as the prehistoric 747 slammed onto
the runway. A shower of sparks and emergency vehicles accompanied
the tattered fuselage as it slid down the lava fields and
towards the gate. Illiana Mugwamp was unfazed by the incident,
it was obviously quite common. She pressed a small button
on the side of her head that activated her automatic bun retrieval
system. Ken ducked just in time to avoid being smacked by
the bun as it whizzed past him in the aisle, not unlike a
bagel on a fishing line. Tyrannosaurus Bets was stirring in
the galley. She had gone into hibernation shortly after the
meal service, safely stowed away in the galley with a few
leftover lamb chops and a bottle of saki. She stumbled to
the door and assumed her position. She prepared to wave and
personally deliver an aloha to each and every passenger. Her
face was sure to expedite the disembarkation process.
Ken's Renta-Vet was waiting for him just outside the baggage
claim area. He scooped up the remnants of his baggage and
poured them into the trunk. He then proceeded directly to
the local Bed & Brothel for a shower and fresh change
of clothes. A new shirt and a lei were the first items on
his agenda. Jane Doe greeted him with open arms as he pulled
up the drive to the B&B. "Good to see you, Ken! Here!
Have a MaiTai!" Jane was always quite accommodating.
Ken loved her dearly. Importing vodka all the way from Siberia
to the big island was quite expensive, so Ken switched to
more local fuel supplies such as MaiTais and Kamikazes. His
cheeks drew in as he sipped the nectar from deep within the
pineapple Jane had presented him. "Aaaahhh." He
sighed. "It's so good to be back in the islands!"
Just then he saw a buttock flash from behind the bushes. Ken
was both shocked and titillated at the same time. "Oh
pay no attention to Bob. He's just acting out another one
of his Jeff Stryker fantasies! I think he's playing the little
lost Amazon boy today. His prey should be along shortly. Here...let's
get your bags up to your room." Said Jane. Ken took a
large gulp of his MaiTai to prepare for the trek upstairs.
"Where are the porters when you need them?" Ken
joked. "Out playing Amazon boy with Bob." Jane replied.
"Oh." Said Ken.
"I'll go draw you a nice hot plumeria bath." Said
Jane as she left Ken to unpack his rubble. "Wow! What
a great idea! I haven't had one in ages!" Ken quickly
unpacked his bags and selected a fabulous two-piece ensemble
consisting of a fuchsia hydraulic top and expandable khaki
shorts. Chestnut sandals and matching belt would accessorize
the outfit perfectly. "Your water's ready!" Ken
heard Jane yell from the bath chamber. Ken's skin sighed as
he peeled the soiled garments from his body and tiptoed happily
to the bath. He had goosebumps all over his body as he slowly
lowered himself into the warm bath. The smell of plumeria
was overwhelming. It soothed his every cell. "Aaaaahh."
He said aloud as he settled into the bath. Ken's mind began
to wander as he closed his eyes. After a few moments he realized
that he was no longer alone. One of the Amazon boys had returned
from the hunt early and decided to join Ken in his bath. The
boy, of most exquisite complexion, had eased into the tub
behind Ken. Ken's head was lying back against the boy's chest.
The boy was massaging Ken's shoulders and neck. He slid his
hand slowly up past Ken's ears and began to massage his scalp.
Ken was purring. "Feel better?" The boy inquired.
"Oh yes. Much better." Ken said as he purred louder
and slid down lower into the tub. He awoke with a start as
his head slid below the surface of the water. He jumped up.
He was alone in the tub. "Wow! That seemed so real! I
could've sworn there was an Amazon boy in the tub with me!"
The soiled towel on the floor left him quite perplexed.
Ken removed his lily-white perfumed buttocks from the tub
and patted himself dry. The scent of plumeria was heavy on
his body. It was quite heady, so Ken decided to relax and
take a nap prior to venturing out. He crawled into bed and
pulled the crisp white sheets close to his body and snuggled
up with his pillows. Songbirds chirped and frolicked outside
his window. All the world was at peace. Again Ken closed his
eyes and his mind began to wander. He became aware of the
warmth of another body pressed close to his. Again the familiar
sensation of a shoulder rub. Again the most exquisite complexion
and smooth hands...Amazon boy had returned. Ken kept his eyes
closed as the island boy drew closer and pressed hard against
Ken's back, releasing all of the tension from Ken's body.
He rested quite comfortably for an hour or so and awoke in
the early afternoon. There was no sign of the Amazon boy when
Ken opened his eyes.
No trip to the islands would be complete without paying one's
respects to Madame Pele. Since the Jeff Stryker Amazon boy
games had already commenced for the day, Ken decided it would
be the perfect time to complete this mandatory task. Attempting
the journey on foot would mean certain death. There were absolutely
no rest stops or cocktail bars along the way. Since the V-Squared
was currently parked 5000 miles away, Ken was forced to consider
a more public means of transportation. The only sensible alternative
would be helicopter. High among the clouds with a full thermos
of MaiTais...it made perfect sense. The ride would also be
smooth so that virtually no spillage of MaiTai would occur.
Ken called and reserved a seat for later that afternoon.
It was a long way to the heliport, and Ken was quite hungry.
He decided to stop at one of the local restaurants along the
way and sample some native island fare. He pulled the Renta-Vet
up to Taco Bell where he dined on two bean burritos and a
diet Pepsi. The absence of Poi made the meal quite edible
and Ken found the burritos quite satisfying. Within minutes
Ken was refueled and ready to hit the road. He fired up the
Renta-Vet and resumed his journey. Before long the volcano
that Madame called home, Mauna Mai Tai, loomed before him
on the horizon. The molten lava and gasses spewing forth from
the volcano told him that Madame was indeed home.
Ken pulled up to the heliport and secured the Vet. He then
fastened the MaiTai thermos and video equipment close to his
body. For a moment he felt very Japanese, but was confident
that the thermos would soon eliminate the sensation. He proceeded
to the check-in counter and shortly thereafter began his journey
deep into the bowels of Madame Pele. Crash, the pilot of the
day, carefully composed today's audio soundtrack, selecting
only soothing songs by Kiss, Courtney Love, and The Beastie
Boys...so as to calm the nerves of any anxious passengers.
Ken happily sipped from is thermos, giggling every now and
then as the other passengers reached for their aloha bags.
Ken held his breath as the pilot drew the helicopter closer
and closer to the red-hot lava. He knew that at such close
range to the volatile lava one iota of his MaiTai-laden breath
would instantly combust, sparking a firestorm that would surely
last for days. He listened attentively as the pilot explained
all about the various types of lava. There was Aah-Aah, Ooo-ooo,
Pahuehue and MaiTai. Each type was named for its characteristic
composition and texture. The MaiTai lava was Ken's favorite.
MaiTai lava was characterized by a distinct pattern that forms
atop the lava's crust as it cools. The pattern is not unlike
that of thousands upon thousands of tiny paper umbrellas and
cocktail skewers. As an extra benefit the fumes emitted by
the lava were quite hallucinogenic and guaranteed to bring
joy to all who breathed them-not unlike Vodka Land.
Crash hovered above Madame's orifice for several minutes
before heading back to the heliport. Along the way he pointed
out several homes and landmarks that had been destroyed by
Madame's fury. Ken found it all very fascinating and tried
not to hiccup too loudly. They were on the ground shortly.
Ken staggered towards the Renta-Vet and after several attempts
was finally able to unlock the door. He quickly rolled down
the windows to allow for ample circulation within the vehicle.
He found himself again quite hungry, and once again began
to seek out restaurants specializing in local fare. This time
he opted for something a little healthier and lower in fat.
He ordered only one bean burrito from Taco Bell and proceeded
directly to the Mauna Loa macadamia nut plantation for dessert.
The Mauna Loa macadamia nut plantation was quite eco-friendly.
The proprietors recycle the nutshells for fuel to run the
machinery. Ken found this quite fascinating as he peered through
the giant plate glass windows to the turbines below. His eyes
were drawn towards the bug zappers conveniently located atop
each of the nut-laden conveyor belts. They undoubtedly were
installed to provide protein fortification for the chocolate
covered delicacies which passed directly below them. Ken tossed
his unfinished chocolate covered treat immediately. He had
had quite enough fortification for one day and resumed his
journey immediately. Ken loves the word immediately.
The late afternoon glow of the sun as it lowered itself toward
the horizon was quite soothing. Ken decided to stop at one
of the black sand beaches along the way and take up some local
scenery. There he encountered several nudists chanting and
performing sun salutations. The backdrop of the sea rushing
towards their bronzed buttocks, perched atop jet-black lava
was quite astounding. Ken was overwhelmed and felt compelled
to join the nudists and they stretched all of their extremities
outward so as to absorb the soothing rays of the sun. Upon
completion of several sun salutations and a Hail Mary Ken
sank below the fronds of a coconut-laden palm tree to watch
the sun sink below the sea. Again his mind began to wander
and he closed his eyes to imagine the Amazon boy rubbing his
shoulders and neck. He could actually feel the warmth of the
Amazon boy's body as he pressed close to him. He sighed. Just
then a coconut dropped from high above and landed alarmingly
close his equatorial proximity. An inch to the left and Ken
would have been forced to sing alto for the rest of his life.
A deep voice spoke from behind him. "Don't be alarmed.
I'll protect you." Ken clasped a hand to his shoulder.
He felt a strong hand. The hand pressed deeply into Ken's
shoulder and neck. It felt exquisite. Ken turned to see to
whom the hand was attached. Dark eyes and a radiant smile
were there to greet him. This was no Amazon boy. This was
a man, and he was real. Ken closed his eyes and let the man
work his magic. |
